Around September 2016, I started making decisions in my life that would ultimately cause me to loose control of myself. Around this time, I had been living with my boyfriend (who I dated for 3 years). But I had began to want to escape. I began to drink and smoke in an excessive amount. I began to want to physically be with other people and grew annoyed of my bf. So without him knowing, I started talking to a friend whom I had known for a while. That is how the problem initiated. On top of that, the guy that I began talking to was going out with my best friend. She found out after 3 weeks and we talked it out. I pretended like I had not had feelings for him and that it was all for fun. So I tried to let it go, but really I couldn’t. This guy was my best friend for years and I had never gotten with him so when I started talking to him again, all of these feelings rushed back and I began to wonder what if? What if it would have been me instead of my friend. What would it feel like if i gave into my wantings? So I let go. I hooked up with him, without having an regard for my current bf or my friend who was with him. My best friend confessed to me that he always loved me and he broke up with his gf . I did the same. The girl had began to tell me a lot of shit. She even told me they were engaged. But I also did not believe her. She had cheated on him when they first got together and there relationship wasn’t so perfect. But I didn’t know what was true or not. I asked the guy and he denied it. This all happened before he left the army. Now he writes me letters and tells me how much he loves me. He also wants to marry me…This is very hard for me, because although I love him too, our relationship did not begin in the best position. It began in a web of lies and betrails. Not between us but the people we screwed over. I’ve known this man for years and he is a great person. But as a lover I do not know him yet. Also, social media makes it hard on me too. I want to post things about him but I feel like everyone would think I’m stupid for falling for him so quickly and for leaving the guy I was with for him. I have not told my army guy how I feel, because he is currently in training and I don’t want him to focus on the negative. Would do I do? Am I overthinking it? I feel like a horrible person. I’ve hurt people I cared about and that is not who I am. I’m realizing my mistakes and I hope to turn over a new leaf. Become the person I want to be, one that has pride in herself. The one I was before all this drama occurred.