Family

I feel guilty.I think my family is trying to help me and understand what I’m going through.
But I also feel like i continue to let them down
They don’t trust me and I deserve that
But I’m trying really really hard and I don’t know if they see it. I don’t know if my efforts are enough

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ann

You are trying really hard. That is what is wonderful.  If you are wondering if your “efforts are enough”, well they are because you are trying really hard.  Period.

Maybe you want to look at each of those efforts and assess if they are effective.  Maybe you could change them a bit and get more satisfying results.

Talk with your family!  I understand how important their support and approval are.  I have also found that talking with them not only helped me but it helped my relationships with them AND it helped them.  The behavior/attitude of each of your family members plays a part in all of this too…and they need to be able to meet you half way…

Ask them if they can see all of your effort.    Talk about what changes they would like to see.  Ask them if they have any suggestions as to how you might reach the goals you have in mind.  Don’t assusme that they have clearly thought all of this out.  So often we run on emotions instead of clear thinking…but talking (not yelling) goes a long way…

Guilt…it is only good if it is a motivator for improvement.  Otherwise it just saps us.  You seem aware of the situation so you don’t need the guilt.  Let it go.

To know that members of our family love us and are happy with us is important.  AND the members of your family need that from YOU!  Have you complimented any of them lately?  On any ol’ thing?  Have you told any of them you love them?  When I was in college (college!) I couldn’t take it any more.  My parents had never said “I love you” to me.  Not once.  I figured they did but I ached for more than just figuring.  It was easier to address my Dad,  over the phone!  At the end of the conversation I said “Bye Dad love you” he said, hum hum huh huh okay bye”!

Next time I tried it on my Mom.  She was able to say it back. (Now she never stops saying it to the entire family!)  My Dad never actually said those words to me.  However he did hug me more, hold my hand sometimes, sit next to me…and I was now open to seeing/feeling how he “spoke” that he loved me.  So try saying “Hey I like that you…”  or “night, love ya”…(it feels really weird at first but a good wierd!)

Moving forward is usually a slow motion thing, right?  So take a deep breath (literaly), try to relax, take it  one step at a time.

You didn’t tell what it is you are going through, so it is hard to give specific thoughts to that.  But, you care and are trying and I congratulate you!

Nameste

 




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