I’ve been feeling very lost lately. I don’t really know how to date, or I’ve been feeling that way ever since the last almost-relationship I had fell through. I don’t know why but I feel I need to be friends with a person before I want to date them, maybe it has something to do with a level of comfort before I take any further steps. I get very nervous when I meet a person and they’re talking to me with the intention of dating or any form of that like hooking up–like at a bar, or how I was most recently set up. I don’t know why but I feel all this pressure in how I’m supposed to feel and act in that situation and almost immediately I don’t feel what I think I’m supposed to, and everything feels forced. And I don’t like what I perceive to be expectations of our interaction to be sort of looming over the conversation. I know I am projecting all of that onto the situation and there’s no way I can truly know what the other person expects from me it just feels that way and I don’t know why. It feels in some ways inorganic and like they’re just waiting for a move to happen and I get turned off very quickly when I feel that. I guess I just like so much more to have been friends with someone first and then the feelings just kind of happen. That just also makes me feel like I already know how to talk to the person and wouldn’t feel as though silences would be awkward. But that’s just a very specific situation and standard that I set for myself that really doesn’t happen all the time and I don’t want to limit myself that way, but I feel like it’s the only way I’m comfortable. I tried being set up, but I ended up questioning my every move to make sure it was heading in the direction of a relationship because I knew that’s what the other person wanted and I wanted it too but I felt like I wasn’t moving along as quickly as should or that how I was showing my interest was enough for him and then I ended up giving myself so much anxiety because of it because intense feelings don’t happen for me so quickly.

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“You can’t hurry love you just have to wait”  old Supreme’s !

It is a hurry up world huh. And then movies, books, friends, tv shows all act like your discription is the way it is.  Say hello and jump in bed.  Together for 6 months now-when are you getting married…Well for you it isn’tlike that and for many many others too.  You are in a large group who want to take time to know someone…For get all of that and go with YOUR instints.  We all know someone who met “the one” on a blind date. But it is so rare so what to do huh…I agree it is important to have the opportunity to observe someone interact with others, learn their reputations, how do others seem them…(especially watch how they treat their Mom because that is how they will treat you- or so the saying goes!)

Where else might you meet people besides a bar?  What do you like to do?  Where do you like being?  Join a gym, volunteer at a museum (volunteer anywhere!), join a large church

Live YOUR life, grow, learn new things, help others.  There is so much more to life than finding someone.  Explore,…your life will be fufilling and then you might meet someone along the way.  If not your life is still fufilling!