Overthinking myself out of a relationship

I have been seeing this girl for about 5 weeks now, we have only met up like 5 times but whenever we do spend time together it’s amazing, a definite connection. However in between seeing each other, she is really busy and; so am i and this means that texting etc can be quite short/blunt/intermittent.
I know this is because we are both so busy but my mind constantly tries to convince me that its because she doesn’t like me anymore, I am convincing myself that she is seeing someone else instead of me and it’s horrible for me.

As a result she was particularly busy the past few days and hardly spoke to me so I got a bit mad, sent like 5 text messages, a snapchat, a fb message asking her why she has been off with me, why is she ignoring me, if she doesn’t like me anymore just tell me.

She replies this morning saying that I need to calm down, do I even trust her, if I need that validation from her when she is doing her own thing that she is not the right person for me… which I kinda deserved. But it is only now it has all been put into perspective like that that I realise how ridiculous I have been.

At the most anxious times, I know I am being anxious and ridiculous and know I need to stop and calm down and let things happen but I also somehow can’t seem to stop myself from making it worse. I don’t want to lose her, I really like her.

I apologised for my actions, told her that I wasn’t really like that and haven’t been like that toward her before. I said I would promise to chill out if she forgave me – work has been pretty heavy this week but I said I shouldn’t have taken it out on her.

I hope that she can understand and we can move past this :/

I don’t want to lose someone who means a lot to me because of actions that I KNOW are ridiculous but I can’t seem to help them. Do I need to seek counselling help?

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Littleyellowkin

That would depend on you. In my opinion you should try talking to her about this insecurities of yours. That way she might be able to understand better the situation you are going through.

You must understand that being insecure is not bad. Is being human.

Tell her that you don’t want to loose her, that you know what you are doing can be ridiculous. Tell her what you are thinking and she will be the one to give you the best answer. Because, no matter how many counsellors you talk to, it won’t solve anything if you don’t include the other party in to the solving plan.

I wish you luck and hope this helps.




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ann

Lucky you for finding a new friend!  It is exciting isn’t.  And nerve wracking and exciting and…..!  

All relationships are important but don’t lose sight of your life, your events, your goals, your work…relax (take a deep breath) and take it one “meet up” at a time.  It was not only a good idea to talk with her and apologize it was quite nice of you.  You and your life are worthy just as yourself, you do not need anyone to validate you, live your life knowing this…

She means alot to you at this time but remember you have only just met her!  Make sure that she is what you are thinking she is.  I am not doubting she is a nice and good person but sometimes we think/assume attributes about people that just are not there… take time to get to know about her…

Think about other areas of your life-where else are you anxious?  What other times do you struggle with self control? I agree with Littleyellowkin that partners have to be part of the process however,  

It is great that you can see where your behavior needs attention.  Some people can’t.  So good for you, seriously.  Now you need to develop some tools to work with so you can change your thinking so you can change your actions/behavior.  There are many books about “emotional intellegence” at the library, you might want to read some of them, or look around for articles on line.  And yes a counselor might be a helpful tutor.  No shame in that at all!

 

 




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