Background: I just completed my first year of college. One of my best friends, that I’ve known since freshman year of high school, goes to college with me; we’re still very close and I consider her to be one of my closest friends. She got a job at our university for the summer and currently is 3 hours away from our hometown, which is where I’ve been this summer. I consider myself to have a fairly large group of friends (about 6 really close friends that are all close with each other); I made these friends two years prior to the start of my social anxiety.
I’ve been stuck in a depressive rut for about two months and it’s recently gotten really bad to the point that I’ve started to shut my friends out. During this rut, I’ve started to discover which events trigger my depression; one of these events is directly related to my social anxiety (SA). SA has made it nearly impossible for me to make friends in college; meeting new people gives me anxiety which makes it hard to carry a conversation and nobody that I’ve conversed with seems interested in getting to know me further. This inability to adequately interact with people, along with me feeling like I’m getting nowhere in life (SA has made me too nervous to participate in activities that help me learn more about my major or expand my life experiences, I have a very average GPA that I’m not happy about, I have no college friends besides the friend I went to high school with, and I’ve never been in any kind of romantic relationship even though I really want to (once again, no one is interested enough in me)) has made my insecurity issues worse and contributes significantly to my depressive states.
So, here’s the main issue: my best friend (the one working at the university) is coming to visit for the weekend and wants to have a sleepover with me and another one of my close friends. She is in a new relationship (3 months) with an amazing guy and I’m super happy for her; but all she does anymore is talk about him and it seriously further triggers my depression. No I’m not jealous of her relationship, but hearing how she’s thriving in her life makes me feel even more inadequate about myself; in sum, my best friend has become one of my triggers and she’s done absolutely nothing wrong. I know this sounds so selfish and I must be a terrible friend to her because of this. I know that when I hang out with her, all she’s gonna do is talk about her relationship and I honestly don’t wanna go to this sleepover bc I’m gonna be so emotionally drained the entire time. However, it’s kind of shitty of me to not see her solely bc I’m feeling sorry for myself. Idk, the situation is stressing me out and idk if I should pass on this event for my mental wellbeing or if I should suck it up and just be a good friend. And if I pass, I don’t know how to explain the reasoning to her; telling your friend that they trigger your depression isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Advice would be highly appreciated, sorry for the rambling.
Note: none of my friends are aware of my depression or SA