F is for Friends

I’ve been a pretty bad friend. Tonight I had a great conversation with a friend and it was all about friendships. I realized this friend has got the whole friendship thing down packed. She is thoughtful, kind and she really spends a lot of time and effort working on the friendships she currently has. She is intentional and really seeks to make sure that she is loving her friends in the way that they need to be loved. Not too long ago, I had another equally fascinating conversation about friendships with a guy friend, and he purposely does not acquire new friendships because he is trying to build the current ones he has. He tries not to neglect his friendships and puts time into building these relationships.
I on the other hand am really bad with friendships. I have come to a realization that when there is conflict within a friendship, I tend to distance myself instead of working on it. I am a runner, it is what I do. I don’t deal with conflict very well in general. When the going gets tough, I get the heck out. I was reminded tonight that, that is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to build into my friendships. I want to encourage people and be as courageous as the friend I spoke to tonight. I want to have the heart that she does towards people and really seek to do life with my friends. Recently, I have been encouraging surface level friendships and attributing it to the fact that I am really busy. But I am a firm believer that you make time for things that are important. Funny enough, I am a people person. I greatly enjoy the company of other people but I also need to equal enjoy building into these people as much as they build into me.

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I hear you!  As you say, some people find making friends to be so simple.  Even though they work at it they don’t feel like they do.

Some people have hundreds of friends- how do they do that!  Obviously some are more casual some are deeper…

Some people go for fewer friends.  Maybe only one or two that are very deeply connected.

Some  people prefer more casual relationships.  I often wonder what it is that makes us prefer what we prefer….Is it that we feel overly responsible to our friend.  Do we build friendshps on things we have in common or do we build friendships on helping people, being there for them.  Maybe we hope that means they will be there someday for us…makes us feel needed, valued…

Surely many friendships are a mixture of both and more.  Today there seems to be a lot of drama.  Maybe that is why you “get the heck out”.  Valid needs are one thing drama is another.  Fortunatly there are still folks out there that are not into drama…

Isn’t it wonderful that we can learn to have the heart your friend does.  Being able to say to someone “sorry” is hard but ofen helpful in any relationship.It allows us to learn and grow in general and inparticular with the person we say it to…

Being really busy can effect relationship, I think you are right.  Little things can keep friendships going during that time.  Texts, quick call or drop-by.  Just saying “Hey I may sorta disappear for a bit as I have  this thing going on…”

You sound like you will continue to grow into a true friend.  Expect nothing in return, that way you will be so pleased when  true friendship occurs!