I want myself to look for help. But I always thought that I can help myself. Which is kind of true since I’m still alive. That or I’m too weak or a coward to kill myself. They say that not killing yourself is bravery but I think I’m just scared. I’m scared that It’ll be painful, I’m scared of what comes after dying, I’m scared that there’s nothing after, I’m scared that it won’t end when I die, and I’m scared that my life will never get better when I die. The last one is pretty stupid, but that’s me, no that’s everyone. We’re all idiots when it comes to living. Life is tiring and I’m tired living mine. I’m tired but I can’t sleep, no, I don’t want to sleep. I’m the reason why I’m awake thinking about sleeping. I only think, I don’t act. Life is hard and right now I’m scared someone will come inside my room and start asking and asking and get pissed and ask again and again and again and get mad and that makes me wanna die then I’ll start crying then think about death again and again and again but I never act. No I’m too lazy to move. Too lazy to die. Everything is pointless. Everything is a drag. Everything is the reason I want to die. But everything is the reason I want to live. But right now I want to die. Because of everything.

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Hey Daemone97,

We’re going to get you some feedback asap, however, we also strongly encourage sharing whatever it is you have on here with the person on a hotline, so you don’t have to explain yourself twice. There’s plenty of hotlines in our “About” section on the bottom right of the screen, but the best one is below. 

Suicide hotline: 800-784-2433

Again, the best thing you can do right now is communicate your feelings in an effective way. Since you’re posting on here, you are one step ahead of the game. Try reaching out to someone, any friend, family member, or mental health professional that you know that won’t judge you. To bottle up what’s inside will only shake things up more. It doesn’t seem like you want to die, it seems like you want to end the life you’re living, and those are two very differen things.

All the best to you,