I want myself to look for help. But I always thought that I can help myself. Which is kind of true since I’m still alive. That or I’m too weak or a coward to kill myself. They say that not killing yourself is bravery but I think I’m just scared. I’m scared that It’ll be painful, I’m scared of what comes after dying, I’m scared that there’s nothing after, I’m scared that it won’t end when I die, and I’m scared that my life will never get better when I die. The last one is pretty stupid, but that’s me, no that’s everyone. We’re all idiots when it comes to living. Life is tiring and I’m tired living mine. I’m tired but I can’t sleep, no, I don’t want to sleep. I’m the reason why I’m awake thinking about sleeping. I only think, I don’t act. Life is hard and right now I’m scared someone will come inside my room and start asking and asking and get pissed and ask again and again and again and get mad and that makes me wanna die then I’ll start crying then think about death again and again and again but I never act. No I’m too lazy to move. Too lazy to die. Everything is pointless. Everything is a drag. Everything is the reason I want to die. But everything is the reason I want to live. But right now I want to die. Because of everything.