I guess many have felt this before, but sometimes you meet that one person. The person so amazing you end up just thinking about them constantly.
A couple of years ago I met her. I had just moved in a new fostercare home, and i was going to start on a new school. My whole class was very welcoming to me, but there was one girl who was incredibly nice to me, and just made me feel like i belonged in this class instantly.
We became really good friends, and we told eachother about our problems all the time. Soon enough i realized that i was catching feelings for her, so i tried to slow it down a bit. It didnt work at all, and i just ended up ruining a great relationship with this girl.
When we started 11th grade, she went to a different school than me, and we stopped talking that year. I thought that maybe this was for the best for both her and me, that maybe i could let these feelings go. I befriended some other girls, but everytime i thought about the other girls, i always ended up comparing them to the first girl. No matter what i couldnt get her of my mind.
The next year i changed to her school, and we started talking again. I was in another class than her, so i got a couple of friends there, where some of them was female. I fell in love with one of them and we started getting really well along. For like a solid month or two, i didnt think about the first girl at all. Then all of a sudden she came back on my mind.
I stopped talking to the girl in my class, as i no longer felt anything for her. This happened with one more girl after this. I fell in love with her, and after a while i just started comparing her to the first girl, so i stopped talking to her.
I still cant get over the first girl, and i think about her all the time. i cant sleep at night because i just end up crying thinking about the fact that i ruined what could have been two great relationships, because i cant get over one girl.
I just feel so lost i dont know what to do.
She is ruining my life by just existing in my mind, and i hate it, i hate her, but at the same time i cant. Im so confused. I dont understand why i just cant get over this girl. She is filling me with so much insecurity and self hate.
But she is also just so fucking perfect…