..Am i being abused again?

honestly theres so much to talk about idk where to start.. I have been living at my moms full time for 1.5 years now.. since i left my incredibly emotionally abusive father. Since then its been tought. ive ben on antidepressants before, i almost hung myself last december (the date is approaching again which is something im worried about), ive been off and on as far as being happy goes.. but it gets worse during the winter and its terrifying to know its going to snow any day now.. and yet my mom has been telling me how much more amazing it is here, and that shes prud of me for leaving my dad.. and i know that was a good decision.. but the name calling and screaming that takes place here is just too much.. i cant talk to any of my friends anymore because im always grounded or my phone is taken away. im counting the days until im legally able to pack up and leave.. but that isnt for a few years and i dont know if its worth it.. it seems so far away now and i dont know if i can survive the winter.. no one at school seems to care and the closer it gets to the colder months the less i realize people care about me.. its only the end of september and already im wearing longsleeves.

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The answer is yes.  Unfortunatley.  I agree with your Mom that you were very wise to get out of the enviornment at your Dad’s.  Things might be a bit better where you are now but obviously still not healthly enough for you or anyone.  I encourage you to spend your time looking up and going to all of the social services near and far.  They will help you get better housing arrangements (if you want) and conseling.

Check out the various pastors in the churches in your area or within a bus ride.  Call Rabbis at temples etc.  There are many many people out there that care a great deal about you and are ready willing and able to help you improve your circumstances.  

Alot of us don’t like the pending winter.  We miss the longer days, being outside etc.  Try to replicate that by getting a blue light, purposely sitting in the window seat whereever you are.  Make yourself go out and walk every day, all the time.  Whatever the weather.  Being outside and walking is a free mood booster and good for your  overall health plus it gets you out of the “house”.  So does reading at the library for a few hours a day…Dive into your school work.  Good grades will open more doors for you; it is a good plan for your future…

You don’t have to survive the winter.  Use it as a time to do the above suggested things, use it as a positive time to make a positive impact in your life. use your phone to take real photos of the winter. Try ice skating, (used skates should be easy to find and be fun to find them)…I know some of this sounds hard, heavy.  But just do one thing at a time and notice that with time you will start to feel better.

Allow yourself to feel better.  Its okay to feel better.  It is ok to love your parents from afar.  I know how important it is to feel like others care.  Your parents probaly do care but do not have the tools or skills to express it.  Many adults need to lkeep earning social skills even if they are all “grown up”…

But most importantly you care about yourself!  The proof is in your words that you have written here.  The proof is in the actions you have already taken to improve your life situations.

Keep going!  You are already off to a good start!