Any emotion that I express feels preplanned like I’m following a script. Every act and one liner that makes people laugh that escapes my sarcastic tone feels unreal. Sometime soon I feel like I’m watching myself from across the room act. When I talk about my future, I freak out a little inside because I feel as if everything is laid out and going according the script. Even this doesn’t feel… real. When a girl who’s cute flirts with me, it doesn’t even feel like she means it. I feel like I’m always being filmed in a movie and I want it to end. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this 4.0 GPA honors student who’s involved in her school and whos parents are proud of her and who has a good amount of friends and smiles and is sweet to most people. That isn’t me. None of that is really me. I’m not really happy or want to go to sports practice or want to talk or want to go to that party or am laughing because I’m happy or am excited for that concert. I’m tired of this. I’m so, so ducking tired. What even is my life.