Bipolar Type 2

I’m not doing too well right now. Maybe that’s an understatement. I can’t help but feel like I want to die, or rather I just don’t want to be alive anymore. It’s over man, I don’t want to feel like this anymore, yet it’s such a comfortable place. I just want to fade away. All my problems, anxieties, sorrows, fears, everything will fade away with me. Like the flickering of a candle before it goes out, forever.

I’ll end up as just another statistic. I cant find the meaning in this world, I’m blind to it right now. It’s not like I haven’t tried to get better. I’m on three antidepressants and a mood stabilizer. I have bipolar type 2 and try to see my therapist bi-weekly. I’ve tried living an active lifestyle and even when I was working full time I couldn’t shed these thoughts. This has been going on for years.

I cant do it anymore.

I get audio-visual hallucinations, the metal of a gun up against the roof of my mouth. A sensation in the back of my head where the exit wound would be. I can see the Hudson River, I can feel the wind on my face. I can taste the relief, this permanent solution to a temporary problem… I don’t think this problem is temporary. I think it needs a final solution.

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ann

My cousin has the same struggles….he had to try several different doctor (s) to be sure the medications are right , specifically for you. Maybe working with another therapist who has a different method will bring some learning and therefore relief.

Meaning in this world is hard to find I know. It may or may not be an answerable question from the position we are in, down here. BUT many answers can be found in faith, any faith. Find a church, temple, mosque and learn from others who are searching like you are. They can teach you a lot and that will give you a lot of peace

This suggestion means more “work” but this suggestion is also a message of HOPE.

And please call the hot lines that are listed on this site. They can help you .




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