i, i just don’t know anymore. i can’t even write anything anymore, not even just a stream of consciousness. i can barely even get out of bed and, and i don’t know. i don’t know why i’m even feeling this way, i don’t have any reason, i don’t deserve to let myself feel this bad. what’s so wrong with me that i can’t even smile when nothing’s even happened. i just don’t know how to do this anymore, i don’t know how to even care. what’s the point in getting better when there isn’t even a reason to get better for.