i’m having the fantasies again. as i’m driving, i hesitate until the last possible second before jerking the wheel to the side to turn with the road instead of face-planting into the concrete barrier. i close my eyes and try not to open them because when it’s dark, i don’t have to think about how much i’m so, so tired of this.
it’s not that i want to die or not be alive. it’s just, it hurts SO MUCH. every day is a new mental agony and i’m just sososo sick of it. i can’t do it anymore. i want it to stop.
i’m here because…no one that i’ve reached out to has any answers. there’s no one who can help me.