Bucket Lists and Suicide Notes

I promised I wouldn’t die until I left the note. It’s a book. It’s not an autobiography… just a book that I always wanted to write before I die and it’d give me the chance to do pointless shit before I do… get high, get drunk, lose virginity, go to one party and one concert. And write the book. But I know that stuff won’t make me feel better. It’s just that I have one single shot so I want to live like I’m dying tomorrow. Im not tomorrow but… soon I will.
Mom wants to send me to the ER because I told her I wanted to kill myself. Dad is moving back in after two months of being gone after Defax kicked him out for domestic abuse. Don’t know why they’re stupid enough to clean his plate and give him back. He probably manipulated them too. Everything’s gone to shit. Goddamn I can’t wait to get that book finished. But it may take a while because I’m a hell of a procrastinator. I’m draggy and late to even my own death. That ducking ironic.

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First I am so sorry you are having to deal with so much trouble that others have brought to you. But I hope you can make a different promise. Write the book on how you survived the hell you are dealing with.

As you say, the items on your “bucket List” are not very satisfying. What about a “things to do list” instead. Like hang out in the local libraries and write in my diary/journal. How about join a youth group (even if the ones by you aren’t so cool.) Or maybe I will take up walking/running. (Always a good mood booster.)…

I am glad you are a procrastinator in terms of writing your book. But please don’t procrastinate on finding adults that can and will help. Maybe someone at a local gym or one of the pastors in any of the churches, temples or synagogues in your area.

You can and will find one or several of the many ways to lessen then pain you are dealing with. You can create a way out of their mess.

YOU have the power to change and make your life. Please remember that and use it.

Hear’s to your new list!