Look I know okay?

To those that “love” me

I know I’m not needed and I’m completely replaceable..
I know.. but if you really love me. Would it kill you to show me. Would it kill you to make me feel a little wanted and and appreciated?

Mom and Dad I know we don’t have the best relationship..
Siblings I know I could treat you better. And I’ll always be there for you

But I’m trying.

To everyone else. Show me.. let actions speak.

I know I’m not the best. I know.

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I was 18. Away at college. Couldn’t think of ever hearing some one tell me they loved me. No grandparent, aunt, parent…
The ache for those words was strong.

I decided that when I talked to my parents during the weekly phone call, I would take the lead, the risk etc and I would end he call with “I love you”. I did love them but the real motivation was I needed to hear them say it to me.

I chickened out several times. Decided I would start with my mom. She said “Oh I love you too. Good night” SO EASY SO EASY why did I wait years……

Next was saying it to my Dad. The man who laughed and hugged everyone but never spoke of his own feelings. After our weekly brief phone conversation I say ” Night Dad love you” He said some single sound like “uh”.! He never did say the actual words ,ever, but things were better after that some how.

Over the years my mother has developed the habit that when she hangs up or leaves she HAS to say “Love you”. Sometimes we even groan!!

Sometimes it pays to go first….