Some topic

Normally. When you get to the screen on this site you get to choose from various topics. I always seem to pic the first one: “relationships”. That is the biggest problem in my life. All my issues come from it. From how all the relationships in my life led me to the same lonely boat full of holes, navigating on an endless ocean. Trying to keep it floating. Every bucket of water I take out everytime I try to convince myself it will be different, but for every bucket of water I throw back to the sea, 2 more take its place in the boat. Sometimes 3 more times, sometimes 4 or 5.
I sometimes stop. Tired, breathless. I am like this at the moment. Slowly looking the boat feeling up and all I can do is laugh. Cause that is all you do when you find out the world can and will continue without you. I have holes in my boat trying to patch up holes in someone else’s boats. I do it cause I hope, somehow, they will take me in that boat. I keep hoping someone will come get me out of here, but no one ever does.
If anything, they just keep adding more holes into the boat. And I just realized how much no one really needs me around. How… Everyone keeps going and I am here stuck in this fucking thing. That keeps filling up over an over snd over again and I don’t know what to do to keep it floating. To keep it from sinking.
I don’t know what to do to stop fepenxing on thsi stupid hope someone will actually come to help me get out if this boat, or patch it up. I keep waiting for help that will most likely never come. And even if it does I might be as stupid as to push it away without wanting to.
I just… How do i keep doing this when I just found out how little importance I have in the life if the people I care about. How do I keep going with this awfull feeling of loneliness.
How do you fucking stop focusing about it? How can I just… Get reed of this necessity for company? I need to know. I need to just know how to deattach. So I can get out of this category.

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You have to learn to love and take care f yourself before you can do that for anyone else. You have the power to redefine or reinvent yourself into whatever kind of person you want to be. Be the person that makes you happy. Then maybe you’ll find someone to share it with. I have and still do struggle with that loneliness frequently. I find it easier to be alone when I’m not relying on someone else to make me happy. I find it comforting knowing I am safe when I’m by myself, and I’m sure the people who care about me are happy they can trust me to take care of myself when they are not around. Allow yourself to be selfish for a period of time so that you can rediscover what it is about life that makes you want to be alive. I hope you can smile for yourself one day, and not just to hide the pain from others.