i dont know

if you’re familiar with stan twitter then this is what it’s all about. i’ve been there for three years and in those years, i felt that i’m being a burden to people i become friends with. it’s not that they rub it in my face that i am, but rather, it’s me. it’s in my mind. once i got an idea that i will never be like those lovable or sociable accounts, i’ll start to believe it. so i feel down. i feel like i’m too much to handle. whenever i talk to my friends (or mutuals, as we call it) i get anxious. i have thoughts like, “what if they won’t get what i’ll say?” “what if i’m not funny enough?” “what if they’re annoyed with me and that the only reason they’re only replying is because i’m inititating a conversation?” etc. i’m not stupid. i can see screenshots of them talking in a group chat clearly having a lighthearted banter. i wouldn’t dare say it or tweet it out loud but i yearn for that too. i’ve been in lots of group chats before but. people get tired, you know? and i’m getting tired of feeling this way. like if i disappeared or deactivated, no one would remember me. i don’t know where to stand in this thing. i want to reach out but i’ve always been scared of rejection. my anxiety isn’t helping at all. i just want to be noticed sometimes. i just want to feel important to someone. it might seem easy to tell your feelings to another person but i swear that it’s not. i’m also an overthinker so if one thing goes wrong i’d think of it multiple times until i blame myself for not being careful enough. i feel inferior to them even though we’re at the same age. i just. want to feel loved, is all. is that too much to ask?

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ann

I don’t know (it all) either but I do know that there are things you can do to feel better. First if you are actually going on Stan Twitter STOP! Just stop. No guilt feelings, no explanations. Plan something else for that time you spent there…

Work on retraining your thought process. Every time you start to think negative thoughts STOP yourself and occupy your mind with pleasant thoughts , no matter how simple. When you go back to a negative thought STOP again…..

Sure, we are social beings and need to be reaffirmed by others. BUT your affirmation of your self is even more important. Be your own bff. Tell yourself what you wish others would tell you…

Constantly tell yourself you love you, you like your laugh, your feelings are ok , I am as valuable as anyone else…

Wean yourself from social media so much of it is false impression…

Teach your self to have fun by yourself. Go to concerts, movies, museums, for a walk etc with just you (bring a book to read do NOT use your phone). You will find you are great company. Your self assurance, self confidence will grow and so will your confidence interacting with others.

Make plans for YOUR life and move forward, inch by inch it adds up. Friendships (of varying types and depths) will develop…

i I don’t know it all but don know this because I have learned it myself, and so can you!




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