For the past couple of months I’ve been in contact with an ex “lover” in an attempt to remain friends. Had I known the type of person i really am, I would have cut all connection off with him. I cling, I worry, I fret and cower at the the thought of abandonment, I invest myself into every little thing and detail someone says when in an interaction. I’m so emotionally wide and open that once I become attached it’s I’ve laid myself out for the guillotine to do its job. Even though we’re still friends, I still find myself emotionally invested, as if we’re in a relationship. It’s was long distance, so the sheer thought of going through life not meeting someone who caused me so much grief and happiness feels like the sun is taking a seat on my shoulders. I want to move on, I want to be able to go a Day where it’s about me and not about him or anyone else who’s favor I’ve somehow convinced myself that I need in order to be validated. I don’t eat right, I don’t take care of myself. I stay in bed and sleep cause lifting myself up feels impossible. I don’t think I can go another year like this, nor another summer. I have two jobs, but I’m afraid of not being able to execute my assignments because I am not in the right state of mind.