I wanna run as fast and as far as feasibly possible.

For the past couple of months I’ve been in contact with an ex “lover” in an attempt to remain friends. Had I known the type of person i really am, I would have cut all connection off with him. I cling, I worry, I fret and cower at the the thought of abandonment, I invest myself into every little thing and detail someone says when in an interaction. I’m so emotionally wide and open that once I become attached it’s I’ve laid myself out for the guillotine to do its job. Even though we’re still friends, I still find myself emotionally invested, as if we’re in a relationship. It’s was long distance, so the sheer thought of going through life not meeting someone who caused me so much grief and happiness feels like the sun is taking a seat on my shoulders. I want to move on, I want to be able to go a Day where it’s about me and not about him or anyone else who’s favor I’ve somehow convinced myself that I need in order to be validated. I don’t eat right, I don’t take care of myself. I stay in bed and sleep cause lifting myself up feels impossible. I don’t think I can go another year like this, nor another summer. I have two jobs, but I’m afraid of not being able to execute my assignments because I am not in the right state of mind.

Leave a Reply

1 Comment on "I wanna run as fast and as far as feasibly possible."

Sort by:   newest | oldest
ann

Sounds like a hard thing to go through but you have learned a lot about yourself and that is AWESOME. Knowing yourself, being honest about it with yourself is an excellent foundation to build on. Now you clearly know what areas you want to grow in.

you talk about needing to feel validated. (We all do…). Start by validating yourself. You are worth it! Reaffirm yourself on a regular basis with self talk that is positive and supportive. Set little goals complete them and high five yourself, hug your self. “I got out of bed today” deserves a hug. Eat something healthy and tell yourself you did a good thing. Be your own best friend, give to yourself all that you would give others.

Make validating yourself your top priority. Have fun with it. See how many times a day you can compliment yourself, look in the mirror and say – I love you!…use posters, post it notes, amke reaffirming statements a mental loop in your head to help keep out the negative…

you have two jobs. That’s impressive. You care about doing a good job. That is impressive. You can add to this list!

Run, but be sure to run forward, into your own open arms. Hug and swirl yourself around, laugh. (Will all feel silly but do it, it will also feel nice).




0
wpDiscuz