I want to die. I want to live.

I want to live.
I’ve been thinking this a lot recently.
All this time I thought I wanted to die,
but really all I truly want is to live.
How easy it is to decide one day to step
Out of these 4 walls of protection that is
My room.
Why do I feel like I am trapped?
I feel like I can’t even leave my house
If I have nowhere to be.
Nowhere to go.
I feel like I don’t have a life.
So what’s the point?
I feel this most of the time.
And so I continue to wish for things
To be different.
I wish to actually live my life
Instead of just watching others live
I wish I would take action and do something, but I will continue to wish and hope because that is how I am.
I wait for something, anything to happen.
I just wait.
I’ve been waiting all my life and it’s gotten me nowhere.
So why do I continue to wait as if some miraculous thing will happen all of a sudden?
These are the questions that run through my mind.
These are the questions I’ll never actually ask.

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Hey, not gonna lie i stalked your profile a little but i saw in your first post you said you wish you could still talk to god. Don’t know what you believe but i think you can. Im niave enough to think hes always listening. Its probably worth a try now, even if it just helps your thoughts clear. I guess it cant hurt right?

Also, the thing with taking your life is that you never get to see how your story ends. Im not in your head, but i know most of the time, people dont actually want to die, they just dont want to live. In order to see if life ever gets better, you have to keep living it. its a bitch but thats how it goes.

Answer so we know you’re okay, okay?